Were there none who were discontented with what they have, the world would never reach anything better.
–Florence Nightingale 1820-1910, Founder of Modern Nursing
In a 1972 film clip (below), Viktor Frankl borrows a term from aviation: crabbing. Pilots navigating crosswinds must point the nose of the aircraft above the destination — because if they aim directly at it, they’ll fall short. Frankl loved this metaphor for how we can relate to other human beings.
We crab when we believe in someone’s potential more than they currently believe in it themselves.
The opposite is enabling — and it’s sneakier than it sounds. When we participate in keeping people small or constricted, we enable. It shrinks their own possibilities- this is just how things are.
This is different from magical thinking, which bypasses action entirely — an internal wish with no tether to reality. If I wear these socks, I’ll win. The Pygmalion effect works through behavior: what we genuinely expect, we unconsciously reinforce.
Psychologists call it the Pygmalion effect: high expectations, genuinely held, become self-fulfilling. Not because we force it. Because we hold it — steadily, visibly, without needing them to agree yet.
Support keeps its eyes on forward energy — effort, trying — not results. It sees the vast estate of possibility in someone’s life, even when they can’t. Especially then.
This is the work. Override the instinct to collude with limitation. Come in with an energy of expansion. Point the nose higher. They’ll land exactly where they need to.
Treat a man as he appears to be and you make him worse. But treat a man as if he already were what he potentially could be, and you make him what he should be. –Goethe (1795)
More Wellbeing Ideas
Medicine: Laughter
I’m going to see Nate Bargatze this weekend, medicine for my soul. A beautiful argument for why we need comedy from Alain de Botton, Philosopher and Founder of the School of Life.
More Medicine: Best Case Scenarios
A new Podcast, BEST CASE SCENARIO . I’m really inspired by the optimism and expertise with Kevin Kelly and Dan Pink. They interview deep experts about the future, lively and engaging. Imagine in 2051, we won’t have traffic anymore…..
Stay Well, Eileen
